His Breathing is Annoying AF

Sometimes I want the throat punch my husband. He can’t ever find his shit or remember to close the bathroom door so Bruce doesn’t play in the toilet. But he can tell you what comic issue Batman and Superman became best buds and formed The Justice League. WTF. Marriage (or any long term commitment) has its ups and downs but when you throw a baby in that bitch, it gets wild.

I know I don’t have to say this but I will for all you basic ass Betties. “I LoVe mY hUsBaND hE’s tHe bEsT! I KnOw i’M lUcKy tO hAvE sUcH a SuPpOrTiVe mAn…” Blah blah blah… he still gets on my damn nerves and sometimes I hate him.

It’s okay to feel like your baby daddy is annoying as shit. I guess it’s something that happens all the time after you have a baby. So you’re not alone my mom friend! Just like pregnancy and motherhood, everyone wants to share the good and pretty stuff. But they aren’t willing to talk about the rough patches and the ugly parts. Now don’t get it twisted homegirl, I’m not talking shit about my husband and there’s no dirty laundry to air out. This is the reality. My husband is annoying as fuck.

It’s totally irrational and I’m sure it has a lot to do with hormones and sleep deprivation, but man sometimes he pisses me off. Like skin burning, seething anger over weird small things. Like after a long day with Bruce being extra clingy, my husband tried to comfort me by putting his hand on my shoulder. I literally recoiled. I was so angry. Bruce had been attached to my tit all damn day and I wanted my body to be mine for a second and HE TOUCHED ME! HE FUCKING TOUCHED ME! I’M GONNA MURDER HIM! Or when he’s rushing me to get out the door and I’m trying to get a diaper bag packed, a onesie on a feisty 6 month old, and put on concealer to hide the dark circles under my eyes. Or like when he is breathing too loud near me. I want to smother him.

So of course these little annoyances build up. And then one day I looked at him and I was like, I hate his guts. Now obviously I don’t hate my husband. There is no reason to hate him. He’s a great man, husband, and most importantly, dad. So I had to take a moment to figure out what the fuck was up. I was getting annoyed when he wouldn’t do things the way I do them. So I had to remind myself that he is trying to help the way he thinks is best. And that’s fine! You don’t have to micromanage your husband. That's not cool sis. And I would get so fucking irritated when he slept in on the weekends. I was up every single day at 6a with Bruce no matter what time I went to bed. But I was letting that happen! I didn’t wake him up or tell him I wanted to sleep in. I needed to be more vocal about my needs and how he could help me. Once I wasn’t bottling things up anymore, I stopped hating him. (he’s still annoying…)

Now I’m not a marriage counselor or a therapist. This is my experience and I’m sharing it for solidarity. If you actually hate your husband, I would advise you to seek some professional help and get that shit resolved sweetie. If you have never, not once, been so annoyed by your husband, then congratulations, you’re a fucking angel, good for you bitch.

What is the most annoying thing your husband has done?