We spent Thanksgiving with my in laws who live in Murrieta. It’s a small suburban town. Everyone knows everyone. They all go to the same church and Starbucks. Tyler and I met, married, and lived in Murrieta. I worked at almost every single Starbucks in the area. So when we visit any location, there’s a 90% chance I will know one person either working or a customer. We decided to head out to a Starbucks where I worked for a few years for some coffee. I get there and of course I know people working and a few customers sitting in the lobby. We have a little small talk and the subject of having a second baby comes up:
“So when are you gonna have another one?”
Okay first, fuck off. Second, you’re assuming I want a second one. You didn’t ask if we wanted a second child. We live in fucking LA! It’s expensive as shit. A second child would be financially irresponsible for us right now. And more importantly, you don’t know someone’s situation. Asking “when are you gonna have another one?” is putting a lot of pressure on a couple. I struggle with postpartum anxiety. Just thinking about having a second child overwhelms me. My sister has two kids and she fucking kills it. She’s amazing but I couldn’t do it. Not like this. My anxiety got me fucked up! There are so many situations a couple may not want to have a second child right away or even at all. So instead of asking “When?”, ask how momma is doing. Or don’t ask anything. Give her a Starbucks gift card and walk away.
Then the conversation of having a second child turns into trying to convince my husband and I that we SHOULD have a second.
“But you HAVE to have a second one!”
I don’t have to do shit, Becky.
“But he’ll be lonely!”
Luckily Bruce has baby friends and cousins.
“It’ll be easier with two because they can keep each other entertained.”
I’m sure it is. But I already said no.
“You’ll change your mind.”
LOL! Honestly, fuck you.
If someone doesn’t offer up the information about having a second (or third or whatever!) child, then you probably shouldn’t ask. If you do ask and they say no, accept that. Don’t fucking ask why and don’t try to persuade them. I think that’s what really pissed me off the most. I said what I said, Gina, now back off. When I get this anxiety under control, and we’re making six figures, AND Bruce can wipe his own ass, OH AND I lose a cool 50 pounds. Then maybe we’ll get a puppy. But we’re good with the three of us. Thanks.