I F*cking Hated Being Pregnant

I know that other women cannot have babies and there are women who have worse pregnancies than I do, but that doesn’t mean how I felt about my pregnancy isn’t valid. I hate the mindset of “Be grateful!” It makes women feel like they can’t express their true frustrations. We feel like we don’t have a safe place to vent. Someone is saying “Stop complaining, you should be grateful you were even able to get pregnant!” Shut. The. Fuck. Up. The last thing a hormonal women who is already self conscience and puking her guts out needs, is someone making her feel even shittier. So do her a favor, nod your head and get her a fucking chocolate milkshake. 

I hated being pregnant. I learned a lot about myself during that lifelong time period. I learned that I hated arugula. I ordered this amazing salad for dinner and it was good until about half way through. I started to feel sick and when I got home, I barfed! My sweet amazing douchebag husband got pictures of me hunched over the toilet. So fun, so cute. I lost so much weight because I couldn’t eat and I fucking love food. One night I was in bed and I was so frustrated with being so sick all the damn time, I started crying. It’s kind of funny looking back on it now, but in that moment I was so angry and hungry but like nauseous at the same time. My poor husband had no idea what to do. He hugged me and patted my head. 

 I can't eat arugula again.

I can't eat arugula again.

One of my favorite memories of my awful morning sickness was a trip to Disneyland with my friends. I told them I was having bad morning sickness so I could puke while we were at the park. The smells at Disneyland made me so sick. I gagged the whole time BUT I never puked so that was cool. oh oh! Here's a good puke story! This is my favorite! I was 6 months pregnant and still getting sick. (I heard it would only last up until the 3rd month…lies.) I was coming home from my friend’s bridal shower and I decided to stop at my favorite pho place before I went home. My stomach was a little uneasy but it had been a good day with no puking or gagging so I thought pho would be a good dinner. While I ate, my stomach turned sour and I got super clammy. I fucking knew I was gonna blow chunks. So I paid and ran out thinking that I could make it home to puke in the privacy of my bathroom. But my stomach was like, no bitch, its gotta come out NOW. So I stood there in the parking lot and hurled. It splashed up onto my ankles and got all over my shoes. AND THEN! I lost control of my bladder and pee trickled down my leg…
I have seen so many movies, commercials, and TV shows that made pregnancy seem so beautiful. The pregnant women was glowing! She looked so happy! She was fucking gorgeous! And I was a vomit and urine soaked unhappy lump of lard. I got in my car, texted my best friend and told him how I pissed myself in a parking lot. I knew he’d think it was funny and picturing his dumb face laughing made it easier for me to laugh at myself. I went home, showered and passed out. I fucking hated being pregnant. 

So many people told me that I would forget about my morning sickness as soon as I saw my baby. When he was born and after they cleaned him up, they gave him to me. I looked at his beautiful little smushed face and said “So, you’re the little shit who made me so sick.”

I WILL NEVER EVER FORGET!

Tell me your favorite “morning” sickness story. 

 I didn't really want to do maternity photos but I ended up having so much fun and they came out pretty good. 

I didn't really want to do maternity photos but I ended up having so much fun and they came out pretty good. 

You're One Bad Mother...

Hey! This is weird. Okay, I’m not a writer, so bear with me. I had my palms read on Mother's Day and the psychic told me I have a story to share. I thought that was funny because 2 days before I decided to start a blog about my pregnancy and motherhood. During my pregnancy, I turned to mom blogs to find women who might be having a rough time like me or moms who would give me a glimpse into the life I was about to step in to. But I couldn't find anything that really spoke to me. I was looking for the real nitty gritty. I wanted the fucking dirt. After talking to my sister and a couple friends, they convinced me to be that voice. So here I am!

I’ll start with introducing myself. I’m Cheyenne, I’ve lived 27 years on Mother Earth. I have an awesome son named, Bruce and a pretty okay husband named, Tyler. Reader beware, I have a potty mouth and I won't censor myself completely. I am honest and transparent. I felt like that was something lacking in blogs that a lot of women like myself might want. Currently, my 5 month old shit monster is screaming at the top of his lungs with a huge smile on his face. He’s doing it on purpose to annoy me. I know he is. He has my personality and I would do something like that. And he just shit… God, it stinks.

So welcome, hello and whatevs. I can't wait to share all my horror stories (and fun ones too) with you! I hope you find some comfort in them knowing that you are not alone or maybe you can have a few laughs at my expense. No big deal.

I know that sometimes when we are venting to people or even our partners we have a little twinge of "mom guilt" telling us that we are wrong for complaining. So I want to say something that I think is really important for us, moms, to remember:

Stop feeling like you have to preface every complaint or frustration with, “Don’t get me wrong, I love my child…” because you don’t. Like, BITCH, we know you love your child. Shut up and complain about them because I know it’s not fucking easy and I see you girl. 

 This momma like beers with her babe!

This momma like beers with her babe!